Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

after sleeping for ten solid hours (I took two "mental calmness" tablets before retiring last night), and then resting in bed for another hour, I feel a bit more human.

I went to check the vehicle again this morning, cleaned another small area behind the driver's seat, and it appears that everything is completely gunk free.

If you have ever seen my closet, you will know what I mean when I say that I scrubbed every last bit of sticky beverage from every surface.

I went looking for that picture I took of said closet a while ago...



Yes. I am diseased.

When I looked out of the kitchen window earlier, I saw that beautiful flowers had bloomed. The sight warmed my heart.





I love my garden. It is a very serene place.

Then, as I skimmed through my Twitter stream, I saw something hilarious, a link tweeted by Pee-wee Herman:



I went ahead and added it to my growing collection of silly t-shirts. Although I prefer wearing black (it is simple and elegant -I like fussing with clothes about as much as I like fussing with hair), I have been making exceptions for t-shirts and scarves.

My better half is now preparing our usual delicious sunday meal. After I have rested a little more, I shall work on the last essay until bedtime. I shall burn cones of my favorite Gonesh incense, "oils and spices" and "perfumes from ancient times" (I have loved these since I was a teenager).

I hope with all my heart that you are having a tranquil weekend, my dearest ones.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

this is it: I am now working on the last essay in The Severus Snape Paradigm. Essay nine.

I had a very nice breakfast with wolfraven80 yesterday, relaxed... Then that afternoon, as I was working on the last page of the eighth essay, suddenly it seemed like everything I typed was horrible, and felt close to tears ("It all looked like a giant bowl of %$#@! pus to me" I would tell my better half after I fetched him from work; he thought that my assessment was not very likely).

I ate a bowl of pasta, then I got back to work and felt a little more positive. I relaxed myself.

Today I had a very nice breakfast with meri_oddities, relaxed... Then later in the afternoon, there was an incident that I can resume as follows: a)a new vehicle, b)a tray with two drinks in it, c)a tray that somehow tipped over as I reached for it, c)me being showered with sticky beverage and sitting in an overflowing puddle of it on the seat (beverage splashed everywhere, even on the new rubber mat behind the new seat in the back of said new vehicle), d)me gasping in distress and then very loudly uttering a string of French-Canadian swear words, e)me not very successfully trying to regain some semblance of calm and thanking apologetic young man who is handing me wet towels as I clean up at least some of the mess. Once I arrive home with my better half (who has been giving me room), I spend half an hour cleaning up the car, then throw my soiled clothing in the hamper and clean myself up.

I go into my sanctuary, breathe, wonder why, since I have been able to get beverage trays inside cars for years without any such mayhem, suddenly this happens, then tell myself repeatedly It's all right, start crying. I am aware that my reaction stems from certain traumatic life events that still need healing; once upon a time, I would have been terrified instead of only feeling fear and anger. I also think that I am unfit to be writing a book about love and peace and that I should quit. Recite prayers quietly, breathe. I am consoled by my better half.

I breathed some more and gently let go of the past again, of stories that still seem so vivid at times. But in reality they have no true power.

I am better now... I shall continue writing about love and peace and not quit.

Another good thing that encouraged me today... mr_ben_wu is doing something very, very beautiful for me. It reminded me of words I quoted in the book, by Lama Surya Das, in a passage where I was writing about Professor Snape's love: the "good-hearted best self."

I am also thinking about words written by Anam Thubten: "...failure is just a perception, that's all. It's okay to fail and fail continuously, time after time. In fact, every time we fail we should give ourselves a chocolate as a reward."

Those are the sort of words I need to hear. I am in fact regaining my equilibrium fairly quickly... Just let go. I am learning to simply listen to my inner commentary, to my emotions, and to release them. This is why it did not take too long before I told myself that I can write about love.

I should probably eat the salad that has been waiting in the refrigerator for a few hours now.

Then I shall continue writing the last essay. I trust Supreme Love and shall not let myself be waylaid by the assailing mind.

And tomorrow, I shall get chocolate, and continue writing for my loved ones.

Oh, my dears. The sweetest reward I can think of will be embracing you at Ascendio.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

by the time I am too tired to go on and heading for bed later today, the eighth essay should be at least three quarters done (I want this one to be fifteen pages long... The ninth essay will be around seventeen pages).

I have been thinking. You know how some folks write "crackfic"?

I believe I am doing the equivalent with non fiction over here. I am writing cracknonfic.

Towards the end of the week, I shall begin working on the ninth essay/ramble.

The book will be finished very soon. It is a bewildering notion. I am feeling a mixture of fear and joy and calm. I am not exactly sure what I have done, but that has been the case for everything I have done so far. All I hope is that, here and there, it will lessen suffering.

A lot of things I touched upon in my previous books, I do not really discuss much (and in some cases, hardly at all) in this book. I do talk about why I see him as a paradigm of liberation, but the book is mostly a sort of... transcendental kaleidoscope. "Professor Snape is like the Whomping Willow..." He is the staircase "that led somewhere different on a Friday." He is the Department of Mysteries.

I use quotes like

God is nothingness.
And yet God is something.

I shall be having brunch tomorrow with wolfraven80, and saturday with meri_oddities, which will be a balm upon my heart.

For now... Back to work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your tenderness.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I have been tweaking my "working on Snape book disco playlist"...

My taste in disco is rather heavy on funk.

Here is what we have now:

Light My Fire - Amii Stewart
Hot Stuff - Donna Summers
Funkytown - Lipps, Inc.
Disco Inferno - The Trammps
Knock On Wood - Amii Stewart
Born To Be Alive - Patrick Hernandez
Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees
Daddy Cool - Boney M.
You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate
Never Can Say Goodbye - Gloria Gaynor
Turn the Beat Around - Vicki Sue Robinson
Rasputin - Boney M.
Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
Let's Groove - Earth, Wind & Fire
Just an Illusion - Imagination
Let's All Chant - Michael Zager Band
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Night Fever - Bee Gees
Don't Leave Me This Way - Thelma Houston
Rock Your Baby - George McCrae
Le Freak - Chic

It is impossible not to feel mellow and relaxed when you listen to these, even when you are working on a book at breakneck speed...

In other news, MISTI-Con now has a spiffy website. My plan to rest next year is probably already out of the window ;-)

You can also check out their kickstarter page. It looks like this will be a very nice convention... MuggleNet will be involved.

Right. Back to the book. I did not sleep well last night, and am running on fumes, but I have some experience in this area.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

is it wrong to be listening to disco whilst working on essays about Professor Snape? ;-)

Current playlist:

Light My Fire - Amii Stewart
Hot Stuff - Donna Summers
Funkytown - Lipps, Inc.
Disco Inferno - The Trammps
Knock On Wood - Amii Stewart
Born To Be Alive - Patrick Hernandez
Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees
Daddy Cool - Boney M.
You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate
Never Can Say Goodbye - Gloria Gaynor
Turn the Beat Around - Vicki Sue Robinson
added these
Rasputin - Boney M.
Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
Let's Groove - Earth, Wind & Fire
Just an Illusion - Imagination
Let's All Chant - Michael Zager Band
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

I felt an attack of nerves earlier, but disco takes care of such things quickly.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

summer seems to have arrived... Not too long ago, I finally decided it was time to turn on the central air conditioning (to my better half's immense joy).

On friday I was indisposed, and felt so tired that I wound up going to bed around six thirty. I woke a while later, but did not really rise; I rested and eventually fell asleep again.

Last night, I did not retire quite so early, but not that much later either.

This morning, I put on this silk robe that was given to me by a loved one a few years ago, and read in the garden (it was somewhat cool in the shade).



The robe is very comfortable... I want a longer one, with green dragons or something.

I still have to finish the eighth essay. It is hard to believe that june is almost already here... Then july, goodness.

I do not have too many preparations left (apart from finishing the book and putting my lecture together). I need to have my two special vests taken in.

I have made a slight modification to the titles of the two final essays re: The Severus Snape Paradigm.

Instead of the final part of the book being

The Hell-Raiser
The Helper
The Healer

It will be

The Hell-Raiser
The Healer
The Herald

Where I last left the eighth essay off, I was busy comparing Professor Snape to herbal tea.

So, who is looking forward to Ascendio? What shenanigans do you have planned?

This my own early and tentative schedule...

Wednesday:
I arrive around 7:30 and head for the mini bar in the hotel room after drinking with droxy

Thursday:
[breakfast in hotel room]
lunch with loved ones
I shall be signing books during the book fair from 2 until 6 (approximately).
dinner with loved ones
8:00 Night of a Thousand Wizards

Friday:
10:00 welcoming feast
11:00 A Writer's Guide to Harry Potter
12:00 lunch with loved ones
gadding about
4:00 The Silver Doe & Beyond
5:00 dinner with loved ones [nightgown/dressing gown make their first appearance]
more gadding about [Snape meetup?]

Saturday:
[breakfast in hotel room]
11:30 Snape, Machiavelli, and the Redemption of Slytherin
12:00 My ramble (arg) Tuscan I
12:30 lunch with loved ones (and drinking)
3:00 Bringing Hogwarts Home: Hogwartian Decor
4:30 Chris Rankin Thesis
5:30 dinner with loved ones
7:00 fashion show [the arm of Snapeness!]
9:00 Manor Ball

Sunday:
10:00 leaving feast
a lot of resting, gadding about, meals with loved ones

Monday:
going back home early in the afternoon

Something like that. Good times!

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I had not seen that the Ascendio programming schedule was up...

Goodness. I shall be rambling for you on saturday, july 14th at noon, in a room called Tuscan I.

The circulation has gone from my extremities ;-)

Well, getting back to another writing until bedtime session... I am now at work upon the eighth essay.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

after a few days of stalling relaxing (my back is healing well) and nesting (straightening out the dungeons a bit, reorganizing a few shelves worth of books, adding more interfaith/peaceful touches to the walls) and gardening (the yard was turning into a spring jungle), I am finally finishing seventh essay.

Mercy. Once I get going, equanimity will re-establish itself.

Relax, relax, relax...

I have to say that seeing green leaves on the trees outside my window is most soothing.

A little music, a few deep breaths. I can do this. I believe I am more afraid of the outcome than the process... Who am I to be doing this? is the thought I hear. From Awareness comes the reply, Let go of all that.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I have been resting a lot these past couple of days, and going to bed early. I am happy to report that my back has not been hurting me; it is just a little sensitive. I have been applying the ointments assiduously, and I imagine that in a week, the healing will be well on the way.

A loved one had asked to see pictures of the malas I got when I went to see the Dalai Lama. So here they are... On top of the green monk's bag I also got that day and which I shall bring with me to Ascendio.





I have been using the larger one a lot; the smaller one with the rosewood beads is in the black bag I always carry wherever I go.

Today, I have been listening to an amazing CD. It is so peaceful and calming. I am giving it twelve stars out of ten.



Tomorrow, I would like to finish the seventh essay... Next week, eighth essay. The week after that, ninth and final essay. Then, a couple of days to read through the manuscript twice. Then I shall upload it to lulu, order a copy, approve it once I have taken a look at it (at which point it will be available on lulu). Then I shall ship copies to the Portofino. It should be available on amazon around Ascendio or not too longer after.

I shall definitely be resting in june. Read in the garden. I have piles of interesting books beckoning me... Books by Alan Watts, books about superstring theory, The Holographic Universe, I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj. And so on. I am currently reading a book that is one of the most excellent texts I have read so far this year, Stepping out of self-deception: the Buddha's liberating teaching of no-self by Rodney Smith. All I can say is, it flows.

I am going to rest tonight, too. I am about to lie down and watch a film. Speaking of films, I watched "Amongst White Clouds" the other day and found it of great benefit. It is immensely poetic and mystical. I quoted it in The Severus Snape Paradigm.

Goodness. Time to lie down a bit.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

today I had my appointment with the dermatologist because of the seborrheic keratosis...

Goodness. I think I am tired now.

First, before anyone worries, I shall say again that these spots are completely benign. Some people are more prone to them than others due to heredity. Pretty much everyone gets them after the age of 40.

I probably started getting them in my mid to late thirties, but never really paid much attention to them -having no idea what they were, other than little spots or something- until I learned last year that when my grandfather died around the age of 90, his back was basically one giant mass of these things; if they are not seen to, they can get very large with time, and become crusty and itchy (when he finally decided to see someone, it was much too late). When I found out about this, I thought, is that what those spots on my back are? If I had known, I would have had seen a dermatologist sooner.

My appointment was with Dr. Charbonneau. He said that I had so many on my back that the best way to treat them would be with a laser. I told him that now that I knew I was prone to them, I planned on getting checked out once a year, and he said, "That would be the best thing... Then, it'll never get as bad again. We'll just have to take care of a few of them."

To my surprise, he told me that he could do my entire back in one treatment (I have some on my torso, but not nearly as many; he will remove them during our next appointment, in june). He said, "We can start, and you can tell us how you feel... Some people find it painful and apply a numbing ointment before their appointment."

I figured tattooing had to be worse, so I basically said, fire up the machine.

It was not too bad... The pain, I mean. It probably hurt more because they did so many, and it was so fast. The whole thing took about fifteen minutes of continuous "pshtt pshtt" (that is the sound the laser pulses made; it felt like getting sprayed with something cool that almost instantly turned hot).

They gave me creams I have to apply on my back for ten days. The dermatologist told me that the little wounds would all fall off on their own, but he will be making sure everything healed correctly.

After I came home and took off my shirt, I looked in the bathroom mirror, gasped and began laughing like crazy (my better half did not think it so amusing! I think he worried that something like that had to hurt, but it is not that bad).

I took a picture to document the experience. The spots are redder in actuality.

( Egad! )

It is supposed to start burning later, but I have excellent creams.

Whew. I definitely think I am a little tired now.

I am going to write a bit (or at least try), but mostly I am going to rest. And eat plenty.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor